was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌ðŸ»ï¸
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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