Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
