Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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