i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
