Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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