listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
