I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
