Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
