turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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