Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
