If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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