we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
