you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
