He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
