I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
