I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
