If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
