How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
