cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
