I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
