Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
tell me about the eggs
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
