So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
