Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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