Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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