If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
