Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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