You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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