finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
