Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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