Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
