Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
