It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I think a kid would responsible me up
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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