Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
