So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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