I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
