hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
