I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
