Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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