Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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