Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
