His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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