I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
