Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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