I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
