i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
