people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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