this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
