Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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