So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
