Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
