I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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