just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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