discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
