i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
